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Title: "Boss Rush"  Episode I: Masters of the Universe
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Length:
500 words
Warnings: astro-sex, Dune references, mermaids, universes.
Summary: Just a short while ago, while reading
fangfaceandrea's latest thoughts on the Buffy comic, I arrived at a sudden conclusion about the Season 8 creative process... including the true power behind the throne!



*** deep within the bowels of Dark Horse headquarters ***


ANDREW
: Ooh, I got it you guys!  Let's do a "Boss Rush!"

WARREN: 
Weak.

JONATHAN: That's, like, soooooo Gradius II, man.

WARREN:
Look, I say we just stick to the astro-naughty, universe-endy gameplan... except this time, maybe you should actually pay attention to my notes, Vincent Van Gonad!

JONATHAN:
Double-D cups and extra super glowyness?

WARREN:
Exactly!


***

(crunching sounds)

ANDREW
: Hey, what if we turn Dawn into a mermaid?  Did we do mermaid, yet?

WARREN:  Not bad, Andrew-san.  Definite boob-age potential there.

JONATHAN:
  But, how would she, you know... get around? 

ANDREW: Hey, no problem.  You remember that one scene in "Dune" with the Guild Navigator?

JONATHAN:  Dude, I remember every scene in "Dune."

ANDREW:  Yeah, me too.  Such a good movie.

JONATHAN:
  'He who controls the Spice, controls the universe!'

ANDREW:  'Behold, as a wild ass in the desert, I go forth to my work.'

WARREN:  Uh, hello?  Deadlines, people, deadlines!

(crunching sounds)


***


WARREN:  Okay, okay, let's keep it simple.  So, the universe is out to create another universe, right?

JONATHAN:  Is that what's going on?

ANDREW:  I totally didn't get that either.

WARREN:  Whatever, it's not important.  Anyway, I'm thinking that we could bring that hot chick Satsu back, right?  Except now she's a hot vampire chick, and when they get to Sunnydale, Satsu's doin' the horizontal hokey-pokey with... wait for it... The Master!

ANDREW:  Cool.... but, um.  Why?

WARREN:  Yeah, good question, good question... Oh!  Got it.  Okay, they're gettin' down and undead-dirty so they can give birth to their own new universe to combat the Universe's universe, right?  And so then Buffy has to get nude 'n' rude with Vamp Satsu and Angel - at the same time, mind you - in order to reverse the polarity of that new universe, which in turn causes our Mister Master to totally explode, Michael Bay-style!   Roll credits.  Finito.  Then we just sit back and count the moolah, boys.

JONATHAN:  You know, I think it could actually work.  I can draw pretty good explosions.

ANDREW:  Why don't we just get Buffy and Spike back together?

JONATHAN:  Gahhhhhhh not again...

WARREN:  No, no, a thousand times NO!

ANDREW:  No, I know.  I'm just saying... it just feels a little weird, is all.  I mean, they had one of the most unresolved romances, like, ever.  And now, Spike's the captain of a bug ship, and Angel's talking to dogs and glowing, and Giles... I'm not sure what Giles is doing, actually.  Anyway, I was just thinking how the whole theme was supposed to be "The Long Way Home," right?  But shouldn't the way home be through people's hearts and stuff?

WARREN: ...

JONATHAN: ...

ANDREW:  Like, isn't that the whole point?  Not vampires and secret government guys and talking bugs and lesbian space-nookie, but, like... like, how we use our souls to make connections when we're young, and how as we get older we have to fight and struggle and basically risk everything just to keep those connections alive.

WARREN: ...

JONATHAN:  ...

ANDREW:
  I mean, that's it, right?

WARREN: ...

JONATHAN: ...

WARREN:  Dude.  Grow up.


on to Episode II: Warren's Revenge


Date: 2010-09-22 07:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] coalitiongirl.livejournal.com
Hee! This I would buy. ;D

Date: 2010-09-22 08:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lostboy-lj.livejournal.com
If issue #40 starts this way, I'm gonna sue!

Date: 2010-09-22 07:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] amyxaphania.livejournal.com
Haha! Amazing.

heh heh

Date: 2010-09-22 08:36 pm (UTC)

Date: 2010-09-22 08:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fangfaceandrea.livejournal.com
1. Bwahahahahahahaha and *snorts* and LOL. heee mermaid Dawn.

2. Andrew!! I love Andrew!!

3. yes, this reeks of Warren, why didn't we see it before?

Date: 2010-09-22 08:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lostboy-lj.livejournal.com
I know, it's all so clear now! It had to be Warren all along.

Date: 2010-09-22 09:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rebcake.livejournal.com
Hey! I've had the mermaid Dawn bunny for, like, a year and a half! Litigate! Litigate! Litigate! (Like my Dalek impression?)

Awesomeness...

Date: 2010-09-22 10:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lostboy-lj.livejournal.com
Hahah, yes I like it very much. :)

Don't sue Lostboy! Leave Lostboy alone!!!

Date: 2010-09-23 06:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dampersnspoons.livejournal.com
Your icon matches one of my mood theme icons, and it only makes me want to high five your soul.

Also? Your Warren is perfect. PERFECT! I didn't even read season 8 and I enjoyed the h-e double hockey sticks out of this! (That's "hell" between you an' me, Russ.)

Love it!

Date: 2010-09-23 06:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lostboy-lj.livejournal.com
Hahahah, thanks for soul-pop, sister.

I also figured out your whole "eyebrow" idea... only took me twelve hours or so. Bah, I just billed it to my client. I pass the savings on to you, the consumer.

After reading it again I'm having some misgivings. I don't want people don't take it as some kind of a broadside in this Epic Comic War going on right now. So I'm working on "Part II: Warren's Revenge."

Date: 2010-09-23 06:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dampersnspoons.livejournal.com
I didn't even know about the ECW going on until 30 minutes ago. I'm in the safe zone, where my ignorance actually is bliss.

If "Part II: Warren's Revenge" doesn't have a Red Sonja and/or Mad Max reference in it, may God have mercy on my Bladerunner soul. Really, I just wanted to make pop culture references.

"Zack. Zack. He's a Lego Maniac." - see? There's another.

I will not end this by saying, "Where's the Beef?"

Date: 2010-09-23 06:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lostboy-lj.livejournal.com
"Zack. Zack. He's a Lego Maniac."

Wouldn't it be great if Zack grew up and actually became a "Lego Maniac." I'm thinking one of those tortured serial killers who builds increasingly elaborate death machines out of Legos. Starring William Hurt as Zack and Jennifer Anniston as Shirly Hooper, the only victim to ever escape his clutches.

Date: 2010-09-23 07:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dampersnspoons.livejournal.com
If that brilliant movie idea isn't on Lifetime in the next two years, then the universe has mocked us both.

The universe...has mocked us both.

Or it'll be a sidebar on Intervention and all of Zack's family will confront him, one-by-one, to discuss at great length how his Lego addiction has affected them all. And he'll go, "Aw, hell no! Y'all just be hatin' because I can build seventeen robots-with wheels-in under ten minutes using only my face."

And then it will fade to black, because even the producers of Intervention had no idea what the fuck they were getting into. And you can take that to the bank!

Date: 2010-09-23 07:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lostboy-lj.livejournal.com
Yeah, totally can see that, too. "Check the phaser bay on this Blacktron Renegade, biz-nitches! Shit is poppin' yo!"

Cut to a shot of Zack's forlorn sister, trying her damndest to hold back the tears. After all, the tears won't help Zack, Zack the Lego Maniac, and they certainly won't help her. And then we pan over to Mikey of Life Cereal Fame. The grande-dame of campaign-kid burnouts, he glowers at Zack through jaded eyes that have seen too much.

"Mikey doesn't like it," he says, his voice a chilling instrument. "Mikey doesn't like it at all..."

I haven't laughed this hard in DAYS.

Date: 2010-09-23 08:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dampersnspoons.livejournal.com
SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY!

One man, one dream, one Lego. The battle to end all battles. Is courage enough? Is this six-pegged block of steel man enough to fight the persnickety and often indecisive one-holed fury of Mikey?

We don't know who will win, but we do know this: it'll take more than a few bowls of cereal to determine who will become WWF's Champion! Be there...or be square.

Next week, Jake the Snake takes on Rowdy Roddy Piper!

Re: I haven't laughed this hard in DAYS.

Date: 2010-09-23 08:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lostboy-lj.livejournal.com
Is this what we're going to do now? Are we going to just sit here all day cracking each other the fuck up? Is that any way for grown adults to act? We're we raised in barns? Does "one-holed fury" sound vaguely dirty or is that just me? Who is this? How did you get this number? Prank-caller! Prank-caller!

Date: 2010-09-23 02:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] knifeedgefic.livejournal.com
Season 8 suddenly makes SENSE! OMG!

(also, I love you Andrew. You can totally be my Gay BFF.)

Date: 2010-09-23 03:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lostboy-lj.livejournal.com
Andrew told me to tell you he's not gay, he's just big-boned.

Date: 2010-09-24 09:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] angearia.livejournal.com
Bwha! I wanna draw hearts and kisses around all of Andrew's lines, then I laugh my ass off at Warren's soulless agenda and Jonathan quietly musing how he is very good at drawing explosions.

Date: 2010-09-24 09:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lostboy-lj.livejournal.com
Heh heh, thanks!

Date: 2010-09-26 11:01 am (UTC)
ext_7259: (Default)
From: [identity profile] moscow-watcher.livejournal.com
Heeee! I adore your take on the season 8! :)

Шикарный блог

Date: 2011-07-05 01:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] femmineerov.livejournal.com
Я бы еще кое-чего добавил конечно же, но по сути сказано практически все.Image (http://7wp.ru/)

Интересно читать

Date: 2011-07-19 05:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shandraemym.livejournal.com
Интересный блог ЖЖ Ваш что-то недостаточно продвинутый и малоизвестен. Можно рекламировать Ваш ЖЖ с помощью программного продукта XRumer 7 Elite (ХРумер 7 Элите) загрузить можно тут http://x-rumer.ru/ слышал эффективная программа для оптимизации ЖЖ сайтов.

Все отлично сделано

Date: 2011-08-16 04:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kampmeierqat.livejournal.com
Что-то не вижу форму обратной связи или другие координаты администрации блога.Image (http://x-rumer.ru/)
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